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How can couples reverse the buildup of resentment once they notice it?

Last Updated: 16.06.2025 18:18

How can couples reverse the buildup of resentment once they notice it?

By resolving to listen with curiosity rather than defensiveness.

By keeping in mind it’s OK to have different opinions and different experiences, and they both matter in equal measure.

By taking turns talking.

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By giving up the notion that someone has to “win” or that anyone loses by saying “you are right”, “I am sorry”, or “I can do better.”

By learning to validate what the other is feeling. “I can absolutely see why you feel this way.”

By deciding to stop with the criticism and the nagging and instead say thank you for everything you do for me. Thank you for loving me.

What can I do when I'm ugly on both outside and inside? What do I do? Cut myself off from the world to make everyones lives better? I'm a monster. I hurt feelings, and I say what was said to me. I feel like I'm nothing but a burden. What do I do?

By internalizing that responding with kindness is strength, not weakness.

By wanting to truly understand each other, despite feeling unheard.